This one is for you guys (sorry it's not in the correct position).

I just want you all to know that you may feel lost, but it's never too late to get better. You may feel you disappointed someone, but it's never too late to tell them you're sorry and and you love them. You may feel you just lost a friend, but it's never too late to go and talk to him and tell him how much he means to you. Basically, it's never too late to do it. Doesn't matter what is it. Just take the chance and change it, because you can do it. 

"Um dia disseram-me que o sorriso é uma forma de mostrar o quanto gostamos de alguém. Hoje perguntaram-me se eu gostava de ti, e eu apenas... Sorri."- Anónimo
Eu vi isto no Tumblr, há um tempo atrás. E achei interessante como eu faço isto inconscientemente. Sempre que me falam de ti, eu começo a sorrir e a rir, e não é intencional. Talvez seja mesmo assim. Sempre que nos falam daquele "alguém", sorrimos. E isso é simplesmente incrível como o nome de uma pessoa é capaz de causar uma reação de felicidade tão espontânea. Encantador.

Finally I've found my real talent.

For me, at this point, it's the most important thing. I need to loose this fn' stupid weight.

I always ask myself this. What happened?

Entendeste? Estás sempre a dizer que é tudo na minha cabeça, mas isso não apaga o que eu sinto.

All the horizontal lines represent a "phase" in my life or a pseudo-phase, and this is interesting. "Bullying" was the first one. Then, "alone" and "worthless". And "depression" hit. "Addiction" started. And now eating issues, represented by "anorexia". The vertical one, I'm afraid it's the end of it all.

Somos todos uma mentira.

Oh God, so many times... And how I wish that person was you... But I know you're not that person.

I have to go now. But perhaps you need someone to talk. I'm always here for everyone. My email is always open. When you need to talk, email me at bcmv.nkc@gmail.com. I answer to every email and stays private. If you need to talk someone your story, I'm here to listen.

Para a Laura. Para a Inês. O corpo morre, mas a memória fica para sempre.

We all deserve the sun.

 Só penso em ti.

I guess people don't understand this. Being unhappy doesn't mean you can't laugh or smile.

So powerful this image.

Good night. I haven't been able to write in these last days, so many things... And it's getting worse... I hope at the weekend I can update everything... Today I have a little time, so I'll upload some pictures or quotes or something, don't know yet.

This last post was some sorta "out-flow" (is this the right word?), about how I feel about my body. I needed to do it, so I decided to just do it with pictures that I took from Tumblr

This is what's on my mind everyday

 
Oh pá, se não entendes pelo menos respeita... Não critiques, não digas que é estúpido. É um problema sério, o único problema é a tua insensibilidade desmedida.

I'm here for you. Always. My email is always available to everyone that wants to talk. Contact me at bcmv.nkc@gmail.com

Metallica - One (Full Lyrics)

Today, in my geo lesson, we were talking about how health influences the development of the country. And I'm not sure why, the teacher started to talk about anorexia/bulimia. Well, the way people laugh at it and made fun of it, like, it made me so mad... I mean, people don't know what it feels like having bulimia or anorexia, so why the heck do they make of it?? Seriously, these people make me sick. They don't know how much we suffer when we look at ourselves in the mirror and feel fat and hate what we say. They don't know how it is to be afraid of being in public spaces because we always think everyone is going to see how fat we are. They don't know the feeling of guilt and disgust when we have to eat. They don't know how it is to struggle against food. 

So, in summary, IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE ANOREXIA/BULIMIA DON'T FN' TALK ABOUT IT!

Hey everyone! So, tonight, hopefully, I have time to write here!!
I would like to start with some Q&A... Some were sent my email, the others were asked by the girl who seats next to me in my class...

Q: Which song is the most meaningful for you?

A: To be honest, I can't choose just one- there are some songs that always make me think. "My Immortal" by Evanescence is an example of that: the lyrics and melodie are beautiful, and so full of feeling that, for me, is some sorta impossible to listen to it without want to weep a little bit... "Dying" by Hole is also a really good one. "Black" by Pearl Jam, "Garden" by Pearl Jam, "You know you're right" by Nirvana, "Something in the way" by Nirvana, "Down in a hole" by Alice in Chains... And I could stay here forever ahah

Q: Which song remembers you the most on the person you love?

A: "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, for a simple reason: I fell in love with him in the moment he talked about that song. His eyes were like shining and he was smiling a lot. It was something that I'll remember forever. Besides that, I guess every song remembers me a bit about him, even if the lyrics are about everything except love.

Q: What's your biggest dream?

A: I don't really know, I guess I never dreamed a lot. Of course I have some goals to achieve, like publishing a poetry book and travel to some places. But, at the moment, I can't really remember a big dream I have. The only thing I can garantee you is that when I was a small girl and until I had more or less 12 years old, I dreamed about being a belly-dancer. I still love belly dancing, although I never was brave enough to admit my love for it publically.

Q: Guitar of your dreams?

A: Gibson Flying V, Kirk Hammett signature model :3


Q: Tell us about your crush.

A: My crush... I don't really know what I can say about him... He's really pale, and that makes him extra cute. And when I say pale, I mean like the milk you drink every morning. Literally. His eyes are brown, and extra normal colour here in Portugal, but I get lost in them. When I look at him in the eyes, it is so deep his look, that it can become scary. His smile is gorgeous. I guess he never smiled when he talks to me. But everytime I see him smiling when he's with his friends, it's like it lights up my day. I can't say much, it's something that I can't explain... I don't want to refer his name here, for many many reasons, but it starts with a M., although he told me he prefered his second name, which starts with an A. He's one year older than me, and I guess I'm done with it xD

Hey. Sorry I haven't updated lately, I've been kinda busy. Tomorrow I'll do my best to tell you all the bulshit I went through.
I just want to answer to an email I got, from Carla, Spain:
She asked: "What would you do if you find out that your crush cuts himself?"
My answer: Well... It would break my heart, no matter who it would be. If I found out that he cut himself, I would talk to him, and tell him I know what self-harm is. I know how it feels. And I would tell him, even though we are not close, that I'm here for him. That he can call me when he is about to self-harm, that he can tell me what he feels. I would do something like that. And, well, Carla, if you are in this situation, I think you should talk to the person, and if you need help, email me :)
For the rest of you, you can talk to me and ask me questions and whatever you want at bcmv.nkc@gmail.com. Also, if you need to talk, my email is always open for it.

I saw a picture of a semicolon tattoo on Tumblr some days ago, and I thought to myself "what a brilliant idea", so I decided to "draw" it on my wrist, with a pen, during my art lesson, as usual...
I mean, semicolon is used when a sentence could have endend, but it didn't. Like my life could have ended, but it didn't. I'm still here, still fighting. This one is to remind myself of how strong I am.

Óscar Cardozo conta com o vosso apoio!

Não ganhamos, falhaste uma imperdoável, mas serás sempre o MEU ÍDOLO <3 CARREGA TAKUARA!!!!!!!!!!!

It is sooo much more than music. It's my life.

These two pictures represent me, right now. I can't eat without feeling guilty. I can't run away from my obsession with food and weight.

This, my beautiful people, it's one of the most amazing pictures I've ever seen. Not for the picture itself, but the message. Sometimes, we ask for help without screaming. The problem is that people just notice we need help when we scream. They don't understand the silence. Yeah, the silence shows a lot. The silence is way more powerful than any scream. Never ignore a silence.

The voice I have inside of me. That one that whispers "You fat bitch" every time I look at myself in the mirror. That inner voice that never leaves you lonely, that makes you compare yourself to every person you see. It slowly kills you.

Hey. Sorry I don't publish for so long, I've been kinda busy. Now that I have a little free time, I'll upload a little bit :)

I'm not sure if I should write "The effort to be free seems pointless" or "This business of how long we try to stay alive" on my arm and wrist... They are both from John Frusciante's songs, the first is "The Past Recedes" and the second "Unreachable". Well, I'll decide...

2000 views!!! Thank you so much beautiful people!!!!!!!!! <3

All those cigarettes...

Please? I'm tired of being in this place. I'm not happy here. I need to find happiness somewhere else. I need to find a beautiful place, the right place for me.