This is for all of you. Stay strong <3

Q&A

Some more Q&A (: I'm always fine if you send this to my email (bcmv.nkc@gmail.com)

Q: Think of the last person who said "I love you", do you think they really meant it?
A: Yeah, I do, bearing in mind she's my best friend (:

Q: Have you ever heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
A: In fact, the song I'm listening right now reminds me of someone: "Can't Stop" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Q: How often do you listen to music?
A: All day, since I wake up until I go to sleep.

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Yesterday.

Q: If you could change your eye colour, would you?
A: Yeah, I would. Blue eyes, probably... Mine are brown and pretty boring so...

Q: Does anyone hate you?
A: Probably a lot of people...

Q: Do you like watching scary movies?
A: I LOOVE watching scary movies (: I fall asleep when I watch other genres of movies xD

Q: Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
A: Well, bearing in mind that 5 years from now I'll be 19, probably not.

Q: Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?
A: Yeah, three people, and guess what, the person that told me that the most, we don't talk. Yeah.

Q: Have you ever cried over a boy?
A: Last night.

Q: Have you ever felt replaced?
A: Every fn' day of my fn' life.

Q: Are you a jealous person?
A: Nop.

Q: Currently want to see anyone?
A: Oh yeah, I wish I could see M....

Q:

A smile is just a cover. It hides everything. The best way to lie is a smile. But smiling hurts so much, specially when everything inside of you aches. 

Até quando?
Para essa gente que acha que a automutilação é uma estupidez, algo sem sentido, ou até mesmo que é só para chamar a atenção, só digo uma coisa: cresçam, olhem para o mundo à vossa volta.

Don't judge.

I don't want to eat. But, at the same time, everything looks so yummy. And everyone looks so happy when they eat. I eat. And when I do, I eat a lot. I always feel so guilty. Sometimes, when I'm at a party, after eating, I feel so bad that I have to go to the toilet, so I can cry. Because I feel guilty. I hate what I see in the mirror, and that's all my fault. Because I can't control what I eat.

Don't bully because of people's sexuality. Love is love, no matter what.

I really wanna write some lyrics on the walls of my room. 

"My Immortal" by Evanescence;

"Snuff" by Slipknot;

"Black" by Pearl Jam;

"You know you're right" by Nirvana;

"Hurt" by Johnny Cash.

Man, that's a lot!

If those pictures mean something to you, if you look at those pictures and you can identify yourself, I just want you to know what you're feeling. And I'm here if you need to talk. Contact me in my email bcmv.nkc@gmail.com or beatriz.vilela77@gmail.com.

Q&A

A guy sent me an email to answer to some questions of a Q&A on Tumblr, so here it goes:

Q: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
A: Closed. I can only sleep in peace if my room is all cleaned up, everything in the right place and organized ahah

Q: Do you have freckles?
A: I actually do :3

Q: How many people have you slept with this week?
A: Does my guitar count xD? If it doesn't, all by myself hehe

Q: What is your song of the week?
A: "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd.

Q: Are you stubborn?
A: Kinda...

Q: Have you ever been in love?
A: Well, you can say that I'm in love at this moment, but I don't really wanna talk about that...

Q: Do you want to get married?
A: To be honest, I don't. It is not something I want really bad. I don't even want a relationship that bad. I guess I'm more that type of person that is better off alone, because I'm a really hard person to deal with, and I'm really demanding, so I guess I'll stay alone all my life... xD

Q: Do you want to have kids?
A: Not a priority at all... Well, if it happens that I have children, I'll love them a lot, they'll be my life. The main reason why I don't wanna have children is that I'm really afraid their suffer the way as I did and as I do, and I don't notice that suffering, like it happens with my parents. I'm afraid to fail as a mother.

I guess I didn't forget anything (: Well, there was another question, but I don't wanna answer because that's too much detail about me ahah

"What if I told you your text saved from suicide?
The only time I tried it. But everything was perfect. The number of pills. The type of the pills. The hour. The suicide note. Everything was ready.
But, suddendly, I got a text on my phone. It was a reply to a text I had sent two days ago. And the message was pretty simple. "Hey.". And that simple word distracted me to take my own life.
At the time, I thought it was a sign of God that I wasn't ready to die, that suicide was not the way out.
But who would have guessed that now you're part of the reason I wanna try it again?
Once a salvation, now a reason."

Today I had a really awkward dream, or, better said, nightmare. I dreamt I was the best friend of a girl that was really depressed. She has been diagnosed with a severe depression and anxiety disorder, and she was really suicidal. She self-harmed and had loads of panick attacks. She was in love with a dude that didn't care much about her.
As you can assume by the text I wrote above, she once was ready to commit suicide, and he texted her back, and saved her.
However, some months later, she tries it again, but this time, no one saved her. She had an overdose, and that text over there was found next to her, asking to deliver to the dude she's in love with.

Although it was just a dream, I experienced it really intensily . I woke up with a sharp pain on my chest, with the feeling I had lost someone. Weird.

Hey, good afternoon. I didn't update much lately because I had so much to do for school, but these next two weeks I'll write a little bit more here.

If you know this situation, I just wanna tell you to be strong. Eating disorders are hard, bulimia is hard. And I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Self-Harm

Self-harm brings to me a lot of stuff these last days.

true

Hey. Sorry I haven't updated much these last days, but I had a lot of school work to do.