I'm tired of all this. I mean, I do my best to please her, to make her feel proud of me. But she simply critizes everything I do. I'm not good enough. Because "if x can do it, you can also do it", "if z had an A, you can have too". Why should I always be compared to the others? I don't live their life, they don't live mine. Why does everytime I try to make her happy, she finds a bad thing? Why do I try to be good, if I'm not? That's the big deal.

Thinking as a suicide would think, I just can think about how narcisist and selfish I am. The hate I feel about world just grows and grows, and more than that hate, that feeling about myself is bigger than it ever been. I hate everything around me.
Maybe anyone believes I feel this way, but I really do. Maybe hard, but the most true true.
I'm still the same narcisist I've ever been, that, as much as she doesn't want to get the attencion, she also doesn't want to be forgotten.
On my mind there's a river of suicidal toughts, the next better than the one I tought before. Is it the devil that tempts me to do it? Maybe. The only thing I know is that I'm controled by a non-human or recheable fource. The certain is that this identity doesn't want me to suffer. I think if my acts are irremediable. May I cut my rist? Or should I eject air on my veins? Can I jump-off of a window? May I strangle me?
Maybe they are just hidden temptations. Or solutions. Someday, God will light me. If it will be good for me, and bad for world? I don't know... It is irrelevant to the world.

Hey guys. So, lately I've been going through a kinda difficult time of my life. And I've been extremely romantic, and it kinda annoys me 'cause I've never been romantic in all my life. So, I'm gonna share some photos with you (I hope this way I can distribute my romance ;) ).

Having it so cloose, watching it everyday,

and knowing you'll never be togheter...

Happiness has got 9 letters.

however, my happiness only has three: you.

The person you love ignores you.

It hurts even more than one milion of cuts.

One of the biggest pleasures of life:

to share your tastes with the ones you love. (I gotta say this one

is my favourite <3)

The moment you realise you are closer to the moon,

more than that person's heart...

And I've learned all your faveourite songs,

just to have an excuse to talk to you. (so true, or not... ;) )

Just if you ask yourselves, I'm not crazy, I'm kinda crazy, but I don't need to go to the psychiatric hospital yet :)

The picture are taken from the website www.desmotivaciones.es

Today, when I listening the song "Octavo Dia" by Shakira (you should listen to it, it is a critic to society, but it is in spanish, but I guess there's translation), and, on middle of the song there is this sentence: "Es más dificil ser rey sin corona, que una persona más normal" (sorry if it has mistakes)- in english: It is more difficult to be a king without a crown, than a normal person". Well, I guess it is a lot true what she said. I mean, those people that always want to be the better than the others, when they don't understand a shit about the subject, those people that always want to take the control... No one is better than the others. Why do they try to be superior, if it is hard enough to be a normal person? Life is not hard, awful, stupid, strange, difficult, and disgusting enough??

Confidence is like virginity, once you lost it, you'll never get it back. So unfair, but so true. When I was ten, I lost all the confident. When you feel that anyone likes you, that you are not accepted by anyone, that you can trust no one, how are you supposed to act? When you think you finally have found a friend that you could spend your days with, that friend does the favor to disappoint you... How are you suposed to feel? 

I've lost the confidence, I'm full with complains, fears, tears, screams, toughts, despair, disappointment, nothing. I wanna commit suicide, I really want to, but it is so hard to think that I'll live the life that I'm used to, to make my family suffer, and my only friend. I feel guilty.

So, this pictures have some sentences that describe my life, but they are in spanish, so I'll translate them to english.

Take my guitar, and stop the world.

People that, even far away, with just a message, make us feel better than people next to you. ~Hope and M... (you know)

That strange feeling that you have when you realize everyone is different with you.

For that friend that always knew how to be a TRUE friend.~ Marília and Hope.

A person can change for 2 reasons:

she/he learnt to much or suffered enough.

I am in that time in life when you accept loneliness as a friend.

I want a metalhead (or grunger) that loves as much as I love metal (and grunge).

The fact that your parents always see your mistakes...

makes you feel like you are not good enough.

Having the feeling that you were never good enough to anyone.

Hey. This week is being very difficult for me. Too many things to deal with. Too many death. Too much for me. I just wanna leave. I'm tired of world. Life is too unffair, I mean, I think I deserve to be happier than I really am. A friend's death, m* problems, family problems, friends problems, self-esteem problems, and suicidal thoughts. They destroy me. I don't think I can say one more word, smile once again.

If you want to read the last words of this great man which Kurt Cobain was, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIP6QOZixOc

Good morning everyone... Well, if you are Nirvana's fans, you probably know what I'm gonna write about today. April 5th 1994. The saddest day of music's history EVER. Kurt Cobain commited suicide. I don't care if you think it wasn't suicide. I think it was, and as I respect your opinion, I'd like to respect mine. On the April 5th one of the most amazing person that ever been in our world past away. Someone that inspired and still inspires milion of people. With his music, he move a generation moved by apathy. He said he was "disgusted with my generation's apathy". He gave fame to a music style: GRUNGE. He created one of the most powerfull and wonderfull songs of all music history (acording to same music magazines): Smells like Teen Spirit (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTWKbfoikeg). He had a difficult life. Since he was a little child. He had problems with drugs, depression, fame. And well, on the April 5th he had the corage to end-up with his life.
We,as fans, just can judge this in one way: the suicide letter he wrote were the last words of a man that moved a generation, written with his soul. Was he coward or brave? We can't judge it. Is it better live unsatisfied? Or is it an heroic act to have the bravey to end-up with it? Just Kurt knows how he felt. He has, in fact, brave. We miss him, yeah. But I think any fan of him could live well knowing he was suffering more than he could. He was much more than just a singer, than a writer, than a composer. HE WAS KURT COBAIN, SOMEONE THAT NEVER WROTE OR PLAYED A SONG TO SELL, BUT TO EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS. REST IN PEACE  KURT COBAIN! WE MISS U... <3

Hey there! So, today I decided to do something different: I'm gonna tell you a story. It all starts on the October 2nd 2011. There was a girl called Beatriz that met another girl called Hope. They started chatting, by messages, and they kinda liked each other. They were very look-a-like, they have the same musical taste, the same idol, the same problems. With the time, they become talking and talking even more, and they became like sisters. Anything could separate them. Not even the distance between germany and portugal. Hope understood Beatriz 200% well, she knows her better than anyone else. When B. tought she had no turning back, when she tought suicide was the only way to break free from the pain, Hope came out. It was like her salvation, her tourniquet.
One day, Hope wrote a letter to Beatriz:

"On the 2nd October 2O11 i had the privilege to meet somebody. To meet somebody who accepts me to 2OO%(how she told me). It's awesome if you find someone, who you can call "Sister" or "Soulmate" without even seeing her in reality(But i wish i could do it,so everything would be easier for us).we both share the same problems. we both like the same stuff. we both live "coincidencely" like looser. FOREVER ALONE, but now we're TOGETHER ALONE. We can talk about EVERYTHING! seriously, everything! for example we can talk about eyes and situations that happen to us some seconds ago.We can laugh together, we cry together. We're making each other happy. You tell me that i've got the talent to make you smile? Dâmn, you just do the same to me and in my opinion you can do it better because when i see you online , i start smiling and you save my day with it! I know it sounds weird if i say this but i'm happy if you're telling me your mistakes because it makes you more real and you're a bit like an idol to me because i respect you and worship you. You can be proud babe. I LOVE you, I LOVE you, I LOVE you! I'll never let you go. i promise. if i do, i'm the dumbest person you've ever met! ~a letter to someone i totally adore, called Beatriz Vilela"

And this is Beatriz's reply:
"Well, on the 2nd October, I met someone that is much more than a best friend, a sister; someone that I could chat for hours and hours, we always have something to say to each other. Someone that, even I never saw face to face, means so much more than some people I spend my days with; Someone that accepts me the way I AM. Someone that doesn't care how looser, or dumb, or stupid I am. Someone that, instead of critizing me, helps me and makes me see where I did wrong; Someone that knows allmost everything about me; Someone that cries, laughs, smiles next to me; Someone that have the talent to make the sun shine, when I have a rainy day; Someone that saves my day; Someone that makes me feel happy and that I mean something to someone; Someone that knows my mistakes and my qualities; Someone that, even when I say the dumbest thing about me, accepts me and agrees with me!; Someone that understands my traumas and problems; Someone that deals with my suicidal tendences and junky personality; Someone that never told me to shut up, she listens to me untill 2 am, man!; Someone that I can talk about everything: imagine, we speak about eyes, next minute we speak about suicide, and then we go to the "m's" of our lifes! I mean, what more can I ask for?; Someone that admire, that I LOVE and I never want to loose; Someone that makes me cry everything I read to her letter; that someone, is much more than just someone, is Hope. I love you Hope, thanks for being here when I need, thanks for taking me out of the dark hole I was coming to. I love you, I adore you. I'll never let you go... <3 <3