Just a small text:


"She came to me, and said:
"Can I just disappear?"
No, you can't. I won't let you. Because honey, if you go away... Then I'll have to go with you. I can't lose you,  not in a million years.
You taught me to never give up. Never. I'm not gonna let you do that. You've told me a million times that I'm strong and I can do it. And I might be strong, but you're way stronger than me. You might not be aware of that, but you're my source of faith and hope. You make me believe that I can get better, that someday, I'll wake up in the morning and feel truely happy.
When I'm with you, which is most of the day, I just forget about all the shit, and that's something I can't pay. For as much 'thank you' I could say, it wouldn't be enough.
You really do inspire me. You're my sister, and no one's gonna ever change that. I don't just love you, I adore you. I wasn't alive if it wasn't for you, so yeah, I can't lose you, not today, not tomorrow, never."

Hey... The blog is kinda abandoned... But things are getting kind of overwhelming for me. I feel like I'll have a mental breakdown everyday. I feel like I can't cope with things anymore. I feel like losing the control. And, god, I hate it, I hate this feeling like my life is not mine anymore.

During the last months, I kinda got better from my eating issues. But now that school started and I look around and see all those thin and pretty girls... It comes back, automatically. I just can't deal with this. It's a constant hate feeling. I feel pathetic when I eat, "You stupid! Look how many calories you're self-inflicting? Fat, fat, fat!"- every fn' time I eat. I'm just getting so fucked because of it. I want to be normal again , you know...? Eating disorders suck.