Good Night,
 so today, my day was kinda fine, and well, I think it is also necessary to talk about the good moments and not just about the bad ones. And because of that I want to tell you about my day. Today, as always, school was extremely boring, I almost fell asleep on the clases (omg). 4.30 pm, finally at home!! Thanks GOD!! I played a bit of guitar, and I was talking with a friend, and she encouraje me talking to the guy, wich I think I like. I gotta admit, I was extremely nervous and I tought not to do it, cause I didn't want to be boring and look like dumb. But, well, I decided to try. I sent the first message, and then we started texting. We just say dumb things, but it's better than nothing, right?? I know you might be thinking "Ok.kay this is the same girl that wrote the other things??" and I say: "yes, I am.". I just decided to change a lit bit, I don't want this blog to become boring, so I have to change the subject I talk about. Have a nice weekend!!
Post-scriptum: it is 23:36 in portugal and I'm still texting with him :)

We, people, have feelings, right? I realize that we know we have feelings, but do we really respect them? I mean, when we are sad, do we do something to get better? I don't. Being sad seems to be my usuall state of mind. Is it good or not? I don't really know, but I also don't care. Feelings are a dimension of people. When we have good feelings and positive toughts, it is good because it helps your self-esteem. But when we feel empty inside, and we are full of bad toughts and destructive stuff, it kills us inside. Being dead inside is nothing more than feeling nothing. Feeling nothing, makes you feel no one else.

Today, I slept 3 hours, because I've been thinking about life. I'm afraid of being selfish when I think I'm full of problems. Being selfish when I think suicide is the only way to go away. All the love I feel about people is just unnecessary, but what will I do to all the love? I've lost the love for myself a long time ago. I lost all the love and joy and respect of living a long time ago. Does it makes me a bad person? I have no expectation about the future, sure it will be worse than the present. Why to have dreams if they never come true? I have a list of 20 wishes, and just 3 came true! Kinda frustrating... My 2011´s new year resolutions were about 25, and 5 came true... I give up believing that my dreams may come true... I realize that there are much important things than my silly dreams: the few friendship I have. It is probably the only things that makes my heart beat. If I didn't have an awesome family and a few but awesome friends, why should I be here? I have so much to give, but I don't know do I have to give, and what to guard with myself.

06/01/2012

Let me start like this "HEADSHOT!!!!!". Kinda strange, no? Well, it is the perfect expression to show how I feel. It is a brain storm in my head. In one hand, I have the "depression case" and in the other hand I have the "friendship problems". And when I think of it, I don't see a way out of this. It looks like a snow ball downing the mountain, and getting bigger and bigger. The problem is that I don't know what's gonna happen when it stops. I'm so afraid of the end of the cycle... I don't know what is going to happen, it can be the best thing in my life, and be happy forever, or I can do the biggest mistake in my life, and keep living in this hell. I think to much about life, that it just looses every meaning, and, at the end, it is as important as one hair. I really don't know the end.

05/01/2012

Hi again... Today my day was just awful... My relationships are getting worse than ever... I'm just not patient enough to deal with it. I feel that I'm never honest to anyone, when I know so well that I say everything that I think it's true. I feel like I'm dying slowly, and I'm afraid of the end. And I'm not the only one whose afraid of it, I have some people that are really worried about me, they think I can have a depression, which was not very good... I sometimes think that I can have one, but I don't want to have it... I really think that I should go to the psychiatrist, just to check if everything is fine. My mind is a total mess, I have problems after problems, small things that grow and grow and grow, and then, I realize that it is a huge problem. I need support, and I have support of 3 people??? I feel it is really unfair, because I think I'm a good person!!! People just don't respect me, treat me as a piece of trash... It is really awful... Do you think I should talk to the doctor? Do I have a depression??? I mean, I'm a bit young, but I thought about suicide for a couple times, and it scares me... What do you think?? Feel free to comment!!

04/01/2012

Good evening! Let me tell you a bit of my day:
 Today, I was very happy, because my soccer team wan the game, yesterday. Everything was being great, until I notice that my life is a total mess, I mean, I think I like a boy, but sometimes, it seams that I don't feel anything about him, and it makes me confuse. When I talk to him, I feel, suddenly, happy and amazing, but other times, I think about him, and I feel anything, I'm totally normal!!!! I really don't know what's going on my head... My head is full of stupid feelings, I feel so empty, so alone, so far way from the rest of the world... I don't feel happy for a long long long time, and no one helps me with that, and it makes me upset. I feel nothing but life itself.

04/01/2012

Hi!!! So, today is my new post, and I'm gonna start introducing myself to you.

My name, I won't tell it on the internet, but I can tell you my "false-name", which is gonna be "empty girl". I'm ** (I won't tell it!!!!!), but I can tell you I'm under the 20 years-old. I live in Portugal. I'm a very lonely girl, although I have friends, but just a few are true friends and I can trust them. I have many problems with self-esteem, I am not very confident about myself. And the fact that I live in rejection and sadness makes me being different from the normal girls, and it also makes me fell alone in this world. I love my family, and I've got to say that it is the most important thing I have, because they always support me. On this blog, I'll tell you my memories, sad or happy, doesn't matter. It is going to me a way to feel more relieve about my problems, by telling it on this blog. I hope you like it :)