Good night,
today I felt like a bipolar. In a certain way, I'm extremely happy and I just want to laugh and jump around. But there is also a part of me that remindes me about my problems. I gotta say, I'm always saying that I have problems and if you don't care about my problems you can just stop reading right here. I don't want people to read my blog if they don't want to.I'm being stupid, sorry. I kinda feel I live in two different worlds. One world where I have to be like the others, good girl, good student, the world where I'm supposed to be perfect and extremely smart and intelligent and like the other people around me. And then there is another world where I can be myself, think about suicide, listen to my music, writte whatever I want to, do what I want, be alone. A world where I can think about me. I have to addmit, I live almost all the time in the perfect dream world. I have to go home and smile and laugh; I have to be in school and talk to the others, answer to the teachers, do the exercises... I feel like "What the hell?! I just want to have a gun and a notebook and a pen and do whatever I want!!" I want to be free, I feel like I'm closed on a room, full of stupid things, stupid problems, fake happiness. When I went home, I was listening to "Sappy" by Nirvana (I love that song, I recomend everyone to listen to it) and I realised that people pretend they are happy, they wear the happy and pinky glasses (thanks for the idea Hope!!), and they don't want to see the truth. The truth is that life sucks, problems are everywhere and death is always in the next door. I don't want to look like that narcisists that just give importance to things when they loose them, but I've lost all the passion for living. I see life as the long road untill precipice called death, someday I know I'll be next to Kurt Cobain and friends that I lost, and that fact is not supposed to make us sad, but happy. Conclusion: Life sucks.