Thinking as a suicide would think, I just can think about how narcisist and selfish I am. The hate I feel about world just grows and grows, and more than that hate, that feeling about myself is bigger than it ever been. I hate everything around me.
Maybe anyone believes I feel this way, but I really do. Maybe hard, but the most true true.
I'm still the same narcisist I've ever been, that, as much as she doesn't want to get the attencion, she also doesn't want to be forgotten.
On my mind there's a river of suicidal toughts, the next better than the one I tought before. Is it the devil that tempts me to do it? Maybe. The only thing I know is that I'm controled by a non-human or recheable fource. The certain is that this identity doesn't want me to suffer. I think if my acts are irremediable. May I cut my rist? Or should I eject air on my veins? Can I jump-off of a window? May I strangle me?
Maybe they are just hidden temptations. Or solutions. Someday, God will light me. If it will be good for me, and bad for world? I don't know... It is irrelevant to the world.