So, this is what I've done all day (this post). It's a really hard post to do, because I cried so fn' much and stoped a lot because I couldn't keep writing any longer.

1- Self-harm


As you can see, those two pictures are related to self-harm. Yes, I suffer from self-harm. And no, I don't do it for attention. It's my way to deal with the pain. I don't cry, I cut myself. Self-harm is a serious problem, specially because it is addictive. I do it since I'm 10, and now I'm 14. It's a secret I try really hard to hide, because it's written all over my body. If you look at my arms, you see my scars. If you look at my legs, here they are, my scars. All these scars represent the battles I've lost. All the stories I try so hard to forget and erase.

2- Eating disorder (not diagnosticated)


I'm having a hard time in dealing with my body. I feel so fat, I'm so fat. I'm 52kg, what the hell? See the body in the first picture? I dream since I'm a little girl to have that body. I know the girl from the picture is really ill. I know it's a very dangerous disorder (bulimia/anorexia). But I simply can't avoid the fact I have my body and my face, and that I really need to get thinner. Doesn't matter how many times I'll have to throw up a day. I'll get skinnier.

3-Suicide




I think suicide is the big issue in my life. The first picture explains it all. I tried it 3 times, just 2 of them could eventually work right. One I cut my wrist, but it wasn't a lot, because the image of the blood disgusted me and my mother showed up. She believed it was an accident; the second one was with pills. I swalloed more or less 20 valium pills. Anything happened, no one noticed a thing. I had an enormeous headache and I was really lazy. It was frustrating because I didn't want to wake up; the third one was with pills again, and again, anything happened. It's so frustrating. But, mostly, it's sad. Sad that suicide seems the only way out.


Note: this post doesn't intend to "support" any of the three things refered. It just shows how I feel. If you need to talk about things like that, or anything else, feel free to talk. I'm always here to help everyone. My email is the easiest way to contact me: bcmv.nkc@gmail.com.