This statement is so true- how the fuck do people expect me to forget and "get over" on the fact I was bullied for 7 years? Seriously, tell me. I suffered so much during those 7 years, how the heck should I forget all that pain? How am I supposed to just let go all the insecurity I have about people and my relationship to them? How should I face the people who did that to me? People think it's pretty easy to say "hey, I was bullied for 7 years". Well, it isn't, or, at least for me it wasn't. Bullying changed me, I'll never be the same. Sad, probably. True, yes. Please, just don't ask me to be myself, because I no longer know who I am. I became so insecure about the way I am, about my personality, that I started to hide myself. I became so cold and emotionless... I became so unsure about people around me. It became a paranoia. I can't look at someone in the eyes, I simply can't. Why? Because I don't trust into people, and I'm afraid if people look at me in the eyes they can see my weakness, I'm afraid they realize the mess I am. I laugh too much, but why do I laugh so much? Because I find things funny? No. No. Because it is a way of hiding how much I hate people around me. It's fake happiness. And my real laugh is really different from my forced one. And just a few people know how to distinguish my laugh. I seem a pretty outspoken, relaxed, outgoing, cold person. Like, people ask me fo advice because I always tell them that sincerely all that stuff is senseless and it has a simple solution. On the inside, I'm such a broken thing. Helpless, depressed, emotionless, numb, low self-esteem. I have no hope in myself. And people don't understand that. Most of people don't know how it is to wake up in the morning wishing you didn't, to compare yourself to everyone you see, to feel like no one needs you, to feel like you don't belong anywhere, that you're always dissappointing. So, just don't ask me to forget it, it is part of the person I am right now.
Sem comentários:
Enviar um comentário