Hey... The blog is kinda abandoned... But things are getting kind of overwhelming for me. I feel like I'll have a mental breakdown everyday. I feel like I can't cope with things anymore. I feel like losing the control. And, god, I hate it, I hate this feeling like my life is not mine anymore.

During the last months, I kinda got better from my eating issues. But now that school started and I look around and see all those thin and pretty girls... It comes back, automatically. I just can't deal with this. It's a constant hate feeling. I feel pathetic when I eat, "You stupid! Look how many calories you're self-inflicting? Fat, fat, fat!"- every fn' time I eat. I'm just getting so fucked because of it. I want to be normal again , you know...? Eating disorders suck.